Never Fail – “Heart-to-Heart: Loving God” Series

Before I got married, I was looking forward to having my own family. What’s better in life than taking care of your husband and children? Three years into marriage and two kids later, I realized that although it was still good to take care of my family, the loneliness and sadness I experienced throughout that time was hard for me to imagine beforehand. I enjoyed being there for my children and watching them grow. However, I couldn’t help feeling tired and anxious in the process. Even though I had plans and dreams, I never worked towards these goals because just taking care of my children and doing the chores took away most of my time. Gradually, I felt like aside from being a mom and wife, I was nothing. The weariness and frustration in taking care of my family caused me to doubt my own ability and God’s call for me.

My pessimistic thoughts trickled down into a series of negative actions. I did not feel upbeat at all; I just dutifully did chores and took care of my children, spent my limited spare time on boring dramas, isolated myself, and was bitter when I saw my husband busy at work and advancing his career. Not only was I blaming God, I was also full of bitterness.

One day, it dawned on me that my life was in big trouble. If I was not going to make changes now, I would not have any hope in the future. As a result, I started to seek help, took initiative to talk with godly people, resumed daily devotions, and restored my relationship with my husband. Besides doing chores, I set plans for myself and made time for them, like writing for publications, reviewing materials of my expertise, actively participating in church ministries, and learning to play a musical instrument. The change made me see that God’s call for me is never-failing. I knew I was called to be a full-time minister— to serve with my gift of teaching.  Although at this moment I don’t have many opportunities to preach and teach, God has opened doors for me to serve and communicate His truth through my writing. I am surprised to see a person like me, who initially lacked any passion for writing, to keep writing for over a year, and my interest in writing is still growing. I discovered that writing itself is a means of teaching. Also, writing trains me to present my ideas, organize my thoughts, and logically support my views, which are valuable in equipping me for future teaching ministry.

The life of a mom is like waiting in the desert to get into the Promised Land, which is a long and difficult path. However, God is using this desert experience to train and mold me into a vessel for His use in the future, just like the verse God gave me when I was called:

“You are witnesses to these things.  I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.” (Luke 24:48-49) 

Before Jesus’s ascension, He appeared to the apostles and called them to be witnesses for Him to the ends of the earth, but they had to wait to receive power from the Holy Spirit first. I believe that before God calls us to do His work, He will give us time to prepare ourselves and let the idea sink in first. Sometimes it will be just like in a desert, with doubt and disappointment. However, God’s timing is the best and His plan for us will never fail; just keep trusting in Him and you will discover the good works He has for us.

Editor: Have you ever had the same experience as the author – full of dreams but feeling lost in the busyness? Participating in the “Presence Life Planning Curriculum” gives students the opportunity to examine their inner lives and explore their unique identities, potentials and dreams. Take some time to listen to your inner voice, adjust your life priorities, and make your life richer and more exciting. The “Presence Life Planning Curriculum” will become a very worthwhile investment in your life.

Written by: Bai Qiu Pei

Presence Hong Kong Limited is a non-profit organization that has supported Christian and family values since 2012. We aim to raise up a new generation for the cultural mission — equip individuals and families to bridge the cultural and generational gaps and to live a unique life with wisdom. 

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